Nobody's Perfect

Just when you think you’ve blown it, the Universe has a funny way of letting you know everything is going to be ok. Wow, did the Universe ever decide to hit that home for me today.

This morning was not my best. I woke up feeling good but my youngest daughter sure didn’t and that’s when things seemed to go downhill fast. First, she started crying because she didn’t want to get up and dressed. Then she didn’t like the socks she was wearing and pulled them off. Then she was mad that I put a shirt on her because she all of a sudden decided “I wanted to do it myself!”

Finally I got her and her sister to the breakfast table. And all seemed to be ok for awhile until my dear girl then noticed that there was yogurt on her hand and that this would somehow cause the end of civilization as we know it. I got her cleaned up and we were off to brush teeth. She then complained there was something yucky in her mouth and of course it must have come from her toothbrush so she refused to clean her teeth. I just let that go instead of fighting her some more. We eventually made it to the door to put on coats and boots. As I was trying to put on her coat, she started screaming she needed a Kleenex. I told her I’d get her one in a minute after I zipped up her coat, but apparently this was the wrong answer because more tears and screams of injustice poured from her little body. I managed to get the Kleenex, get my keys, get my coat, and get us all out the door. Finally, we were in the car and I was backing out of the driveway. Whew!

Just then she began screaming she wanted to take her puppy (stuffed animal) with her. I admit I must have had a lose wire exposed or I short-circuited or something, because this is the point where I lost it. I don’t know what came over me, but it was like a monster entered my body and let loose. If you have ever read anything by Eckhart Tolle, he would say my pain-body needed to feed. And let me tell you, it was voracious. Like a raving maniac, I began yelling at my daughter that she didn’t deserve to take her puppy to daycare. That if she wanted to yell and scream at me, then I would yell and scream at her. And then I said, you’re not getting your puppy asking like that with your whiny, demanding voice, because I don’t respond to that kind of talk (all evidence to the contrary). Hardly my proudest parenting moment.

Then, a shaky little voice says, “ Mommy can I please get my puppy to bring to daycare.”

I put the car in park, went into the house, and got her puppy. I stood for a few moments at the door thinking to myself, “Who am I?” Here I am supposed to be this calm, enlightened, with-it person and I am so not in this moment. Tears came to my eyes as I realized how awful and out-of-control I was. I said a quick prayer asking for help and forgiveness and got back in the car.

There was dead silence on the drive to the daycare. When we arrived, before getting out of the car I turned around and spoke to both of my girls. I said, “I am sorry for yelling. It’s not very much fun when mom yells, huh?” They both nodded. “We all just had a bad start to the day. I’m sorry and I love you.” They smiled. We got out of the car holding hands and I gave them each a big hug and kiss before heading on my way to work.

When I got back into the car, I felt tears on their way. I felt like no matter what I have done to better myself, that there obviously was some rage inside of me and how awful that made me as a person. Who am I kidding? I am a bad mom who has probably scarred her children for life. And I obviously don't deserve anything good to come my way. Somewhere deep down, I knew there must be a lesson in all of this. Please, I asked, show me that I am moving forward, getting better, and that I am not really a hungry monster in disguise.

I made it into work. First I decided to listen to voice mail. There was a message from my best friend who said she read my blog last night and loved it. She said it made her laugh out loud and I had a real gift and talent and to keep it up. That was sure nice to hear.

Then I looked at email. I had just subscribed to Oprah’s quote of the day and there my first quote was waiting for me to read in my Inbox. It said, “The more we learn about the light within us, the easier it ultimately becomes to forgive ourselves for the fact that we're not perfect yet. If we were perfect, we wouldn't have been born. It's our mission to become perfect, however, and looking at where we're not is an important part of the process.” (Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles ) Well isn’t that timely. Here I had been berating myself for not being perfect, only to find out that it is best to forgive ourselves for this fact. Nobody’s perfect, and it is in our imperfection that we learn and grow.

Then my boss sent me a funny e-card that made me laugh. This was unexpected. It’s not like he does this often, so it was a welcome surprise.

Then the staff gathered to give our boss his Christmas gift, but before they did, they surprised me with a gift for all the support I had shown them that year. I was really taken aback. It made me feel very loved and special.

All this before 9:30am. You see, if you truly ask the Universe with an open heart for something – in this case to show me I actually am making a difference – it will respond and fast. It always does. We just need to pay attention to the clues.

Thank you Universe. Thank you for the moments of imperfection. And a special thank you for the moments of validation. I’m not perfect yet, but I’m getting better. I am grateful for you showing me so. And next time that pain-body monster wants to feed, may I please be able to say, “Sorry, this kitchen’s closed!”

And that's my perspective...

The Art of Silliness

What ever happened to the Art of Silliness? And yes, I say art because silliness provides the way to see possibilities without limiting ourselves, to learn without fear of failure, and to not take ourselves or our surroundings too seriously. Silliness allows us to detach from life’s stresses, laugh, and be creative. Aren’t these the exact qualities companies are trying to foster in their staffs? And yet they try to do this and be serious about it at the same time. How silly!

Even though I like to joke and laugh, I often take myself too seriously. I have often worried about what others may think if I didn’t do something perfectly. I have fretted over whether a letter looked better in Times New Roman or Arial font. And God forbid somebody notices the fact I often end a sentence with a preposition! My goodness, they may think I am stupid, or a heathen, or worse…incompetent! I need to be more silly, not necessarily while doing some specific office task, but in life in general so that I remember to laugh when the seemingly serious stuff pops up. So I dressed up for Halloween for the first time in a long time this year to break my serious rut. And you know, it was kind of fun. I walked and talked like a robot down the street with my 3 year old daughter, and it was a lot of fun (especially just to hear Natalie laugh hysterically.) While journaling, I decided to try an experiment where I would make up a fictitious, silly life for myself and write about it as if it had happened. And that just cracked me up. In fact, it was so much fun, I am keeping it up because it forces me to think outside the box, to dissolve my beliefs about what is possible, and to think about things that would be funny or just plain fun. It’s also far more exciting to have George Clooney chat with me at daycare when I drop off the kids, than just drop off the kids. It’s far more titillating to shop for Ferraris with my husband in Fiji, than to go to the grocery store. You get the idea? Now try it. Stop thinking of silly reasons not to.

And guess what? Sillyness (I like this spelling better because it’s sillier) is not something you have to learn. It is something you have to remember. One only needs to look to young children to know this art form is innate. In fact, when we really think about it, we all were masters of this art form until it was beaten out of us by serious adults. “Don’t be silly.” “Sit in your desk and be quiet.” “Stop acting silly; what will people think.” “When the bell rings, be still and serious. (when it’s recess then you can have 15 minutes to be silly – but not too silly.) ” And we all know young children are sponges when it comes to learning. Want to be a sponge? Then reclaim this lost art form and quit denying what is inherent within! And then, not only will you be more fun, filled with more laughter, and far more creative; you will also be more productive, energetic, healthier, and happier!

I will close with my 3 year old’s favourite silly joke (she made it up herself):
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To have poop come out of its bum!
(If this joke doesn’t summon at least a smirk, you definitely take life too seriously and require an injection of sillyness - stat!)

And that’s my perspective…

God and the Beach

Last night I had an epiphany. It seems so obvious to me now, but I hadn't realized that for decades, I, like countless others, had actually bought into a nasty belief system - the belief system of “You’ve got to work hard to get ahead.”

It’s quite amazing how this epiphany came to me. I was meditating and focusing on light shining from within my heart. I told myself this is where God is, within me. This was an epiphany in itself because I had always previously thought of God existing from somewhere outside of myself. But there He was, right inside my heart. Him and the entire power of the Universe. How cool.

So then, I figured if God was right there in my heart, maybe I could talk to Him. So I say to God, “Hey, what am I supposed to be doing?” And I get this visual of a beautiful, jolly, light-filled man with a white beard and rosy cheeks (ok, I admit maybe my vision is perhaps influenced by the fact it’s so close to Christmas) and he is smiling and pointing to the turquoise waters of the ocean and a white sand beach.

God wants me to go to the beach? Perhaps he misunderstood. I want to know what I am supposed to be doing in a larger context. What is my life purpose? Why did I come here?

And that’s when the epiphany came. My life purpose is to live the good life – whatever that means to me- not the hard life. God's job for me is to feel joy. I came here to do things that will make me feel joy. And by participating in activities that bring me joy, like a tropical beach vacation, I actually make the world a more joyful place. DO YOU GET WHAT I’M SAYING? Going on vacation is not a vacation at all! It's work, God's work. I am actually in service to God by going on a tropical beach vacation because that is something that truly brings me immense joy! And who am I to dismiss God’s wishes? So I’m off to Punta Cana in January, and I do feel really good about that.

You see, we got it all wrong. It’s not about putting in time. It’s not about suffering. And it’s not about sacrifice. It’s not any of those things. How often do we fore go down time to work because we think that is more worthy, more productive? And how many times do we think it is inappropriate to bring fun into work – that to be professional you must be serious and stoic? Do you want to do God’s work? Would you like to be productive and make a difference in the world? Then the answer is simple: start adding joy to the world. Laugh, joke, make light of things. Have fun. Take a vacation. And adopt a new belief system: You have to work easy to get ahead. Understand if it’s hard work, it’s not God’s work; it’s your own.

And guess what else? God’s work pays pretty well. You start doing God’s work and pretty soon you got more joy than you ever imagined. And the more joy you have, the more you allow for all stuff that personifies joy to come to you – things like money, love, health, romance, a new car, you name it.

And as I finally got the point, the epiphany I call it, God nods his head, laughs, and gives me a wink as if to say, “You got it kiddo. Good work…now was that so hard?”

And that's my perspective...

Happy or Crappy?

With December well underway, it's impossible not to think about Christmas. The question is what are you thinking about the Christmas? When it comes to Christmas, do you think happy or crappy?

Over the years, I have found that my thoughts of Christmas have vacillated from one end of the spectrum to the other. And after careful consideration and thoughtful reflection, I can verify that keeping one’s thoughts on the happiness end of the spectrum just feels a whole lot better. So why do so many of us allow ourselves to live in Crappyville? Here’s some of my own best examples (or shall I say BS aka Belief Systems):

1. I don’t have a lot of money and for Christmas to be great, I have to have a lot of money.

2. I have to get the ‘perfect’ gifts, or I will disappoint others.

3. I have to decorate, bake, shop, visit relatives, attend parties, wrap gifts, write and send cards, and still do all the other things I have to do.

4. I have to….

Do you see a pattern here? Do you notice each statement begins with “I have to”? How many “I have to”s are on your list? If there are more than two, you are probably on the road to Crappyville.

I realized by saying, “I have to” I automatically put expectations on myself that I had to meet in order for me to feel successful. What a load of crap (pardon the expression) – no wonder that’s what we end up feeling. Does my missing getting out the Christmas cards on time have anything to do with my personal worth? Of course not. Does deciding not to attend every party or failing to find the impossible perfect gift diminish who I am as a person? Not a chance.

So how do we move up the scale from crappiness to happiness?

1. Change “I have to” to “I choose to”. In doing so, you consciously make choices. And now you can choose to do some stuff and not other stuff. And you can choose to enjoy what you are doing no matter what it is.

2. Give always first from your heart and only secondly from your pocketbook. I know from personal experience that a thoughtful, inexpensive gift from the heart is far more precious and perfect than an impersonal expensive material item. If you do spend money, spend it with an open, giving, happy heart. It feels better.

3. Don’t get caught up in the guilt of what you think you should do. That is just adding more “I have to”s to the list. By making choices (see #1), you take responsibility for your actions, own your decisions, and thereby remove the guilt.

4. Drink. A glass of cabernet is always nice, but rum also seems to be quite effective. Tequila is best kept for emergencies.

Well gotta go. I have chosen to go pour myself another glass of wine. Merry Christmas everyone…hope it is a happy one!

And that’s my perspective...

The Season of Giving

Yes the Christmas season is upon us – the season of giving. And sometimes all this giving feels more like taking – somebody forcing you to give which in effect takes away from you. At the very least, this feeling takes all the joy out of the giving experience.

I remember one Christmas well before I was married, I had been dating a fellow for about a month. The last two weeks before Christmas he had to go on the road for work. He was an avid skier and I was a stained glass artisan. So while he was away I made him a 3-dimensional stained glass angel on skis and called it his guardian ski angel. On Christmas Eve when he returned, I handed him my gift. I could tell he was surprised. I also could tell he loved the gift and knew the thought and time I took to create it. The look on his face was gift enough for me. I felt good.

Knowing he had been on the road without any time for Christmas shopping, I was expecting nothing in return. Basking in my good feeling I barely noticed him walk to another room where his suitcase laid open, only to return with a black piece of material in his hand and an embarrassed comment about how he didn’t have time to wrap it. I happily took the black material from his hand and unfolded it to find a T-shirt he bought at some small town oyster bar and pub. It had a picture of a cartoon-like oyster on it saying, and I quote, “Shuck me! Suck me! Eat me raw!” Needless to say, I was in shock.

I literally did not know what to say, but inside, my mind had plenty to say like: “You picked this out for me!?” “This made you think of me!?” “What the hell were you thinking?” Outwardly I managed a confused thank you followed by, “Should I wear it to your parents’ for Christmas?” This only made things worse.

You see it took me awhile to realize he didn’t actually buy this shirt for me. He probably was planning on giving it to his brother. But I had handed him something nice and he thought he needed to give me something back and it was all he had. That’s a nasty belief system at work. Over the next few months, I had ample opportunity to observe that he indeed held the belief system that you can’t give without expecting something in return or perhaps it was no one gives anything without expecting something in return. Either way, it totally took the joy out of what could have been a really enjoyable experience.

And don't think I am blameless in this situation. I too had placed strings on what was appropriate for him to give me. I had attached strings that said the amount I like his gift is equal to the amount he likes me. Had I not done that, I would have laughed and not cared about the T-shirt.

This giving, the giving that feels forced, is not true giving. True giving is giving freely from your heart and it feels great. It is unconditional. It doesn’t take but gives back. The other kind of giving is from your head (aka your ego) and it never feels good. The ego attaches strings to your gift giving. The ego convinces you that must give if someone gives to you or that you are losing something because of your giving or that you must give in order for you to receive anything in return. Do you see how those strings bind and rob us of the joy true giving brings?

So this Christmas season, give with thoughtful abandon and expect nothing in return. Receive with gratitude and know a gift is a gift and not an IOU. It will be the best Christmas you ever had. Guaranteed. And if someone happens to give you an obscene t-shirt that you would be embarrassed to wear even alone to bed, smile and be thankful for the laughter and great story it will bring for years to come!

And that’s my perspective….