What rules you?

Do you consider yourself a rule-follower or a rule-breaker? Whatever the answer, one thing that you may not be aware of is that every person has their own set of rules they follow. These rules are important to know because they drive your every action.

Yep, every one follows a set of rules. You have rules for love, success, relationships, you name it. So if there is an area of your life that isn’t working so well, you need to look at your rules and redefine them.

For example, some time ago I looked at my rules for success. I asked myself, “What has to happen in order for me to feel successful?” My answers surprised me. I had to make a lot more money than I am now. I had to be acknowledged as successful by others, primarily by those in authority. I had to be given recognition (like awards, etc.). And, I had to be given a position of authority.

Pardon the expression, but what a load of crap! Yet, these were the rules I was living under. Picked up from my childhood and other experiences, this is the definition I had unconsciously given to success. Notice how my rules were really leaving me with no control. Under these rules, I was dependent on others actions and reactions to me to determine my level of success. I gave myself no say in the matter.

I quickly defined a new set of rules for success – a set of rules where I was in control of the outcome. Now, to me, success means helping another. Success means leaving someone happier and more content than when I first met them. Success is when I learn something new or do something better than I used to. Success is doing something I thought I couldn’t do. Success is giving. And success is continuing to love someone even when they do something I don’t love.

I like these rules a whole lot more because not only am I in control of my success, but I have a whole lot more capacity to feel successful every day. And that’s awesome.

So ask yourself, what has to happen for you to feel successful? What has to happen for you to feel loved? What has to happen for you to be in a passionate relationship? What has to happen for you to be happy? You may be surprised by your answers. You may think others are to blame for things not going well in your life, but it’s only because you set up your rules that way. Know your rules; then change your rules. It will change your life.

And that’s my perspective…

Do you have a life list?

Have you ever done the exercise where you have written down all your goals of what you would like to achieve before you die? If you have, have you then looked over your list and thought, “Holy crap. How and when am I ever going to do any of this?”

Such a task is useful to make you think of what you desire, but the after-effect of feeling overwhelmed and perhaps inadequate is less than helpful. There you are with your big long ‘to do’ list and you haven’t got a clue where to start. With a list like this, everything can seemingly appear unattainable. Recently, I came across a great way to make your seemingly unattainable goals seem quite realistic; so I thought I’d share. I got this from Jeanette Maw (goodvibecoach.com) who got it from Mike Dooley (tut.com).

First you are to number a page from say 1 to 30 (or whatever the page will take- the actual number is not important.) Beside the odd numbers, write down goals from the past that you have already accomplished. When you are finished, fill in the even numbers with the goals you wish to achieve. It’s amazing how intermingling current goals with ones already completed gives you a whole new perspective on what is possible. And it completely eliminates a daunting to do list since you can immediately cross off half the items as already done! Sweet.

To give you an idea of what I’m talking about, I’ll share a portion of my list with you:

1. Sail around the world on at tall ship.

2. Do pilates/yoga regularly.

3. Go on a safari in Africa.

4. Write a book.

5. Walk on fire.

6. Live on acreage with a short commute to the city.

7. Meet a celebrity.

8. Travel through Italy.

Do you see how all of a sudden, my current goals (even numbers) seem fairly small and reachable compared to what I have already done (odd numbers)?

When we are making goals they often seem like dreams that are out of reach because they are an unknown. We haven’t done them yet so it is difficult to fathom their existence. But when you couple that with all the things you have already achieved, they become closer in reach. You begin to remember that the things you have done were perhaps once pie in the sky dreams as well. And now that you’ve done them, you think, “I’ve done that. No big deal.” So the stuff you haven’t done becomes, “I can do that. No big deal.”

So this fire-walking world traveler is off to sign up for pilates…maybe. Well, at least I know I can do it! On second thought, I think I’ll google Italian sites instead!

And that’s my perspective…