The Right Fight

Have you ever been so frustrated because you felt you were so right about something and no matter how right you were, it couldn’t or wouldn’t change the opinion of someone who was, in your opinion, so obviously wrong? Do you remember how every time you thought about how stupid or insensitive they were not to have seen or done things in a certain way, how you became more angry and agitated? Maybe it kept you up at night. Maybe it gave you headaches. Maybe it made you lose your appetite. But one thing I can guarantee it didn’t do is make you feel better.

This is a classic example of being smack dab in the middle of a right fight. And it is a recipe for being miserable. Your mind will fight valiantly giving you reason after reason why you are right and therefore, why you should remain angry or resentful or hurt. But the truth is the only person you are hurting is yourself.

It takes a lot of courage to walk away from the right fight. Most people see it as defeat – admitting they are wrong. But the truth is each and every person is entitled to their own version of the truth. What is right in your eyes may not be right for another. What may be wrong in your eyes may be perfectly correct for someone else. What’s most important is to honor your right to your opinion and at the same time honor someone else’s right to theirs.

I recently experienced the effects of a right fight. The more I kept telling myself of the injustices that were put upon me, the more absolutely horrible I felt. I was irritable, tearful, angry, and resentful. I felt like alienating myself from the world. My drive to do and be helpful diminished. I knew that this could not go on without me sliding into a deep depression, so I kept asking myself, “How can I heal this?” “How can I forgive this?”

And then I got the answer. “Move on. Forgive. And know you have choices. Make one and be at peace with it. If your choice is not bringing you peace, make another choice.” I realized it isn’t failure to forgive others for something that you do not agree with, but it is a huge failure to allow yourself to be miserable over someone else’s opinion. Similarly, it is not success to be able to make someone admit you are right; but it is success to own what is right for you without denying others what is right for them.

In short, life is meant to be lived happily. And while you can tell yourself how right you are that someone screwed you over or that something is to blame for what is not right in your life, only you can choose how you feel. Choose to feel good. Choose to feel glad. But when you hang onto being right to prove someone else is wrong, know you are choosing to feel miserable.

And that’s my perspective...