How much do you like yourself?

Last year at a tradeshow, I met a woman who did an intuitive reading for me. She said, "You have issues with criticism." It's true. I did. Still do a bit. I told her how whenever anyone criticized me it felt a little like someone was stabbing me in the heart.

She then asked me a question that has stuck with me to this day. "What hurts more - when someone else criticizes you or when you criticize yourself?" In other words, what hurts more - when others take a stab at you or when you deliberately stab yourself in the heart? I knew in an instant that it was my own self-criticism that was doing all the damage, and have come to realize that emotional pain is most certainly a self-inflicted wound.

When I look back on my life, I realize I have been very hard on myself. I have expected things of myself that I do not expect from other people. I have held myself in contempt for basic human mistakes. How often have I said to myself, "Why did you say that, you idiot?" or "Why did you do that?" or "Why didn't you do that?" And then there's always the classic: "You should(n't) have done that?" In any case, these questions were said in the most accusatory and judgmental manner - each question with it's own sharp little dagger. Why did I punish myself in this way?

Why does any one of us punish ourselves in these ways?

Through meditation and asking my inner guidance for an answer to this question, I have come to realize that in order to truly feel peace and contentment, I must really like myself and other people (even the mean ones). In times of criticism, this 'like' factor is absent. It makes sense. When I really like a person, I am less inclined to be critical of them. When a friend whom I really like makes a mistake, I naturally do what friends do. I see so many likeable qualities in this person, that this little blunder is just a hiccup and easily forgiven. I cut them some slack because they deserve it.

So then I asked, "What about when it comes to yourself? How often are you a friend to yourself?" Yikes, never thought of myself being my friend before. I certainly wasn't in the habit of cutting myself slack. The voice I most often heard in my head was one that kept me on my toes and made sure I didn't do anything wrong - more like a drill sergeant than a friend. So using my imagination, I have changed that voice to a friendly voice so that in times when I am feeling inadequate, unworthy, undeserving, stupid, stressed, incompetent, shameful, guilty or whatever...(you get my drift), I dismiss the drill sargeant and bring in my friend who says, "Doesn't matter. I like you anyways. I always will really like you. So stop trying to prove me wrong - you likeable person you." Then I imagine her giving me a friendly shove on the shoulder, as friends do. The important part is to understand it's all my own doing. So instead of self-inflicting myself with pain, I now do it with love and humor.

"But wait!" I am compelled to ask, "What about those people hurting my feelings? What do I do about them?"
My inner guidance is quick to respond. "Like them too. Cut them some slack. When others are being mean, they just need to be liked and you will feel better. They may not feel better, but it's not your job to make them feel better. That's their job. Your job is to make sure you feel at peace and joy. Liking someone is a form of compassion that will always bring forth those feelings for you. You just have to be willing to give it. You just have to be willing to like yourself that much."